Category: Live Journal Entries

Is freedom, if thrust upon still freedom?

Have downloaded a copy of Free as in Freedom – Richard Stallman’s Crusade for Free Software By Sam Williams

The downloads are available at https://www.faifzilla.org

Earlier it wouldn’t take me so long to recover … …

Wondering about it made me realize that earlier I was on both sides of the scene. I use to practice medicine – the daily interaction with patients children … …

Most satisfying for me was reviving a fresh neonate – Theoretically you have 3 minutes before there is permanent brain damage BUT in reality you are never sure as to how much anoxia the neonate has suffered in his arduous journey thru the birth canal… …

So you learn to work fast your actions are more of a reflex than preemptive… … Call it vanity but I was somewhat of an expert in this, specially intubating (inserting a breathing tube in the trachea) a baby by just the feel.

Believe me it is not like what they show on TV or films – you have to be calm not show panic to the staff – trust everyone else’s skills. There are no curt commands to nurses, no flashes of lights on shiny apparatus.

It usually took around 60 to 80 seconds and no matter how many neonates I had revived the smile of satisfaction always betrayed me. The tears in the mothers eyes always made me feel warm inside. At times I did wonder at the potential of the life just revived.

Oh yes! and at times I was paid Rs50/- for doing this 🙂 It was just another working day… ….

I miss it all …. …. very much … …

It happened in a fraction of a second but it has been continuously playing in slow motion.since morning in my mind

I was standing at a square waiting for traffic lights to change. There were last few seconds on the opposing lane green light, this man on scooter was zooming past the square when suddenly this stupid woman in a Maruti decides to make a illegal U turn from his left – the car hit the scooter on the rear third completely flipping the man and machine in two different directions. Even before his head hit the ground with the sickening crunch I knew this was a fatal fall. He was still breathing when I reached him and nobody really comprehended that he was dying but he had multiple cranial fractures the pulse was already way too fast.

I always think that after personally declaring more than 100 deaths and performing 350+ postmortems, having been witness to post Babri riots and the Bombay bomb blasts, giving CPR to my own father – I would be immune to death and its processes

But no!! The profound despair and sense of loss you feel when a life fades out in your hand just cannot be put in words and it is always there… …

All these death mongers talking of suicide squads and those doing it should just for once hold a dying human in their hand and feel the emotions which go thru them… ….

By a quirks of mis-calculation my wardrobe has been relegated to formal trousers instead of my usual 6 month old Lees.

Several people, including friends, relatives and clients have asked if I always wear / wore jeans and full sleeves

No! when I was a doctor OR at least pretended to be I wore crisply ironed formal trousers and shirts. Oh yes the shoes were also always black leather polished daily. So now when my friends and relative see me wearing things which they have never seen me wearing the question I presume is natural.

But now as my working day starts from 7am and goes on till 10pm I find that jeans and wrinkle free shirts are the best option – you can sleep in them and they still look the same.

Also for clients Swati says that me being casually dressed is apt specially when she takes care of being formal

This week is going to be bad – Vinay the project leader has exams through out the week. Swati has already banned me from entering her work place. And I am already pacing about, restless.

Not paradoxically Swati has a whole lot of work which needs to be done.

Heck! even I have lots of work to be done BUT I have to push it to next week … …

Amazingly amid all the chaos at work and pettiness else where I still manage to reread another of my teenage favorite Dune Book 1 ( https://www.dunenovels.com/ ) only this time I was more aware of the references and parallels to various cultures around the world.

In other things we barely have 7 working days left to complete this phase. Papers for the visa have been sent – hopefully we will be in clear by next Saturday

Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

I hate everybody, and you’re next.

And your point is…

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Remember my name – you’ll be screaming it later.

You KNOW you want me.

Don’t worry. It’ll only seem kinky the first time…

Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.

I’m multitalented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.

Nobody knows I’m not wearing underwear

Please add any good ones you know of 🙂

When you say don’t call a spade a spade,
Your fate is already made… …

The writing is on the wall
You are heading for a fall!

Maybe the knaves were right,
The king wants to rule by might!!

Pray that I never have to complete this… …

Hmm… ….

I dont know if this is a portent for things to come.

Swati dreamt that I was her elder brother and that she has been trying to convince me to get married.

Looks like it is going to be an amusing day

My elder brother is here with his family – the house is in a bedlam with the three kids freaking out and I am sitting in the office working with my two programmers.

Just ended a discussion as to which portions we are leaving to be completed when we are in-situ at Bangkok. Ironically we will have more working days there.

Thankfully Swati is taking care of all the thousands of other things which need attention leaving us to do just the coding part – Thanks love 🙂